The first time that I am watching myself wrestle with the holiday season this year.

Initially, shamefully did so as I am only thinking of myself. Then I encountered the actuality. Lastly, the enemy is taking full advantage of my Godly armor being shifted or removed in places.

The Holy Spirit trying its best to grant me the peace I have in Christ and my mental capacity to fight it, not listening and in angst.

To me, humans have a real knack for getting this right more than anything. Wouldn't you all think?

The lack of believing the truth. The lack of faith in the One that battles it for me and holding onto it with all the weary strength I have.

“The enemy has stretched out his hands over all her precious things; for she has seen the nations enter her sanctuary, those whom you forbade to enter your congregation.” Lamentations 1:10

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““For these things I weep; my eyes flow with tears; for a comforter is far from me, one to revive my spirit; my children are desolate, for the enemy has prevailed.””Lamentations‬ ‭1‬:‭16‬ ‭

I do have past hurts, I do have past heartbreak, and I have let it surround and capture me to the point of sitting still and looking back... Instead of my looking to my favor in the Lord and the gratitude of my gifts from Him and my dwelling in Him today and eternal tomorrows.

This is my answer through the Word of the life I lead and the breath of Jesus Christ’s heart and sovereignty with full provision that grants me (and you) a Kingdom of majesty and grace now.

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3‬:‭14‬-‭21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Is it still difficult? Yes, because I think of my allegiance to myself and my heart that aches from not receiving the treatment I feel I might deserve from other broken souls. This is not likened to the way Jesus is with His heart that knows who they are; we just do not have this understanding.

“Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.”Proverbs‬ ‭19‬:‭8‬ ‭

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”James‬ ‭1‬:‭12‬ ‭

Whereas it says, “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭103‬:‭8‬ ‭

It's necessary for me to give it to Jesus. I fight to give it. Why? Because I am not trusting Him quite enough to acknowledge He will free me of it, because I feel I did it all to myself in the first place.

God is constantly seeking to show us that he can turn anything for good if we keep loving him no matter what. And further, letting Him take it along with my broken heart and holding my thoughts captive.

Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted, and bind up their wounds.” Psalm 51, the most honest confession of personal sin in the Bible, ends with these words to the Lord — “You will not despise this broken and crushed heart.”

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭51‬:‭10‬ ‭

In due time, the above will happen, sweet sisters and brothers in Christ. Just not yet. Although, diligently, I seek it. I believe He loves this.

Join me in inviting Jesus into the tangled and broken-down portions of ourselves to receive the full freedom and contentment in His Name.

The prayer I have today is this.

Jesus, comfort me and anyone who

might be “here” today. For every day and tomorrow, I praise your Holy Name.

In His Peace, In His Presence. Gather your joy in this beautiful season of the only gift and blessing to the world ✝️